Without a doubt theatre people have the best sense of humour, along with some anecdotes and idioms that audience members might not be privy to.
For example, a show report is the last thing the stage manager has to do in the evening before heading to the bar (wink) It's a listing of statistics relating to that evening/afternoon's performance, and includes details such as running times, number of audience, technical operators etc. It also includes examples (some intentional!) of the humour of the stage managment team . The following are samples of some reports from around the globe at both professional and amateur performances:
The Show Report
Show: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
The TD had to leave 15 minutes before curtain up, due to the gaping flesh wound in his head. SM called only other person legally allowed to operate pyros, ATD, whose reaction to the TD's swift exit was 'What in the **** was he doing headbutting a door?'
TD returns after interval, mildly concussed and with surgical glue holding his head together. SM decides he isn't fit to blow things up.
Show: Othello (adaptation)
Carl (the director) would like to know if we can make the cloths that the actors tear down fall slower. To which the ATD responded: No problem. We'll just turn the gravity down backstage.
Show: As You Like It (Shakespeare Festival of Dallas)
Good show, small audience. No one vomited on stage.
Show: Drama Festival
Group onstage were flailing for lines, and were delighted when an audience member vomited, providing adequate time for them to consult their scripts.
Show: Home Free! (Gainsborough Studios, London)
During the evening, the director had helped himself to two glasses of wine and placed them neatly on the seat next to him ready to commence the show. However, as the male lead said "Damn college boys" on pg. 32, the ghost (which had been causing all sorts of problems during the run) threw one of the director's glasses (with wine still in it) onto the floor. Due to the high-pitched girlie squeal which was released by the male director, the LX board op could not gather himself to execute LX cue 72.
During show, a child who was angry for not being chosen as the lead sheep, pulled the fire alarm. The show had to be stopped for fifteen minutes while the fire department came and figured how to shut it off.
Show: Bartered Bride
Sprat the dog was able to perform despite contracting an infestation of fleas. He did not, however, take a curtain call.
Show: Oh What A Lovely War
During the Irish Rangers scene the sound operator accidentally triggered two samples at the same time thus instead of the sound of a single shot being fired the sound of a horse neighing was also heard. R____ B____ exclaimed in his broad Irish accent, 'Bejesus, them filthy Huns is shooting the horses an' all'.
Show: Secret Suppressed Desire Society
Banana Dildo did not work today due to the fact that the actresses were playing with it before the show and the batteries died. ASM replaced batteries.
There was very heavy rain throughout the day and a few drips on stage.
Show: La Pietra Del Paragone
Could the ASM please be available in the wings to pass water?
Show: Romeo and Juliet
Miss _____ went on-stage for the curtain call and realized that she had forgotten to put her knickers on, so ran off in a quick blackout and re-entered again before the final bow.